Feeling Sorry For Myself

I was in a really great mood, until today when I came crashing down. An old and dear friend posted pictures of herself and her friends on Facebook. Don't get me wrong, I am not jealous of my friend. In fact, we have been through a lot of the same emotional crises such as divorce and starting new lives after being dumped like a piece of garbage.

However, seeing her made me aware of my physical situation in amazingly great detail. Here is a picture of me wearing my ankle and wrist weights to counteract my tremors, sitting on my rollator with my faithful and wonderful Montana by my side.

Everything I do has become such a damn struggle. So many, many things I can't do anymore that I miss so much. Even if I wanted to get all dressed up, I still could never feel as elegant as my friend looked in her photos. Not with all the accoutrements I need to get around.

I know this will pass, and my mood will improve. I have a wonderful husband, a loving family (his, but who's counting), a fantastic dog, a home that I love, some good friends, a few great friends, and a couple of cold beers in the fridge.

I am who I am. I have MS, and it has been kicking me down. So, I've got to pull myself up (mentally and physically) and quit feeling so sorry for poor little old me.

Mentally Feeling Pretty Good

It's strange. Even though my body feels like it's falling apart and pieces of it are giving out on me, I've been in a super good mood. I know that a lot of it has to do with the fact that my husband Arnie survived kidney cancer surgery and is doing better every day, but there are also a lot of other things that have been making me feel good.

The day before DH's surgery, our son and his wife had a baby boy. Joshua Samuel is their second child, and our fourth grandson!

Due to the fact that Arnie has diabetes and now only one kidney, and he dislikes most vegetables, we had to come up with some new, healthy meal plans. My wonderful SIL sent a big batch of soup recipes, along with a Cuisinart Smart Stick to make creamy soups. I've made two batches of garden vegetable soup, a huge pot of split pea soup, and a pot of veggie soup that has navy beans, grean beans, and onions. Everything has turned out very good, I'm following the recipes exactly and very carefully. This has made me feel good that we're both eating healthy meals and I'm cooking soup that tastes fantastic. It has given me more confidence in the kitchen!

I got my hair cut the shortest it's ever been (it's 1/2 inch long on the top of my head, and shaved closer in the back), and I absolutely love it! It's very thick and straight, I could never do a thing with it as far as styling goes, so this is as easy as it gets.

I've been going to Yoga and riding my stationary bike a couple times a week, losing weight, and basically eating right.

I also taught Montana how to Commando crawl across the floor. Of course, he could never sneak up on anyone because he makes so much noise doing the crawl, but it's loads of fun for both of us.

MS Yoga and Lunch with a Friend

In January, I found out about an MS Yoga class that was available in my area. I signed up and began taking the class, and I'm so glad that I did. Most of the people in the class have MS, the others have some sort of limitation that precludes them from taking a regular Yoga class. Our instructor is 70, has taught Yoga for 40 years, and is just the sweetest woman you would want to meet and know.

Most of the exercises are done while sitting in a chair, although some of us get down on the floor for a couple of the exercises done toward the end of class, and for the relaxation portion. Montana loves the relaxation portion of the class. I lay down on a rug, and he lays as close to me as is physically possible with his head laying on my stomach. That, in itself, is comfort to both of us. Then, when it's time to get up off the floor, Montana stands close beside me on my left, still as can be, and I'm able to brace myself on him in order to stand up. Without him, I would either have to ask someone for help or not get down on the floor at all. It still amazes me that he adds so much independence for me. After class I feel great, much more loose and relaxed.

Today, DH and I had lunch with a friend of mine who is a reporter for our local newspaper. Meg and I met last March when she did an article about Montana and I. At the time, I was scared half to death. I'd never been interviewed for a newspaper article before! After about five minutes, she had me relaxed and laughing, and I was able to forget to be scared and shy. We had a nice lunch with good food, good conversation, and lots of fun.